Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They took my balls.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
