we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
