The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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