I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
