I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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