youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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