I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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