Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
