Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
