Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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