just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize