So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
