4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
