Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
