why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
