if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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