I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
