did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
