So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
