Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize