I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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