On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
