wrigley field is MILF paradise
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
