At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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