New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
