So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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