Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
