I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
