just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
