i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tell her she can't have a vagina
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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