my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
