He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
