We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
