my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize