drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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