why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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