Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
