he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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