just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
