4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If i come over, it means nothing
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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