Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
