You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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