consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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