mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize