honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Less talking, more tequila
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
