So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
