i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
