I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
