I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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