new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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