I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize