I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
