we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
