Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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