dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
