I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need to stop coming to work sober
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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