i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You should frame my arrest warrant.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
