My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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