Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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