I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
