I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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