New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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