Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
