So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
